Specializing in Compassionate Elder and Caregiver Mediation, Apology Guidance and Restorative Peacemaking
Specializing in Compassionate Elder and Caregiver Mediation, Apology Guidance and Restorative Peacemaking
Elder mediation (sometimes referred to as intergenerational or caregiver mediation) is a cooperative and voluntary process in which a professionally trained and impartial mediator facilitates family discussions pertaining to a variety of age-related issues, such as caregiving for an ageing parent, living arrangements, adult sibling issues, or disputes between family members and an institution relating to the services being provided to an older person. This form of mediation often involves many people, such as family members, close friends, and service providers, and provides a meaningful opportunity to come together to discuss and develop an Elder Care Plan aimed at sharing responsibilities, and accessing community resources.
Elder mediation is based on a wellness model that promotes a person-centred approach for all participants. Each person is unique with his or her own narrative, intrinsic value, strengths and weaknesses. This type of mediation also has a strong preventive component. When people know about the service and are referred early enough, conflict can be prevented or minimized, reducing the overall stress in family systems, enhancing the functionality of the family support network, and often delaying the need for institutional care.
Julie Ralhan, Founder and Principal Mediator at Elevated Mediation is pleased to offer elder mediation in order to assist families to work through conflict. For more information, please call 647-819-5348, or email julieralhan@elevatedmediation.com.
The following is a general summary of the steps in the mediation process:
Step 1 – Intake and Screening: The first step involves an initial intake session to screen for power imbalances and to determine whether mediation is appropriate for the parties. Additional issues such as who should participate in the mediation, and the nature of the participation will also be canvassed. The session is approximately an hour per person and takes place with each party separately. Once all parties have completed the intake session, they will be advised whether the case is suitable for mediation.
Step 2 – Signing of the Agreement to Mediate: If the file is deemed suitable for mediation and the parties wish to move forward, the next step is the signing of the Agreement to Mediate.
Step 3 – Joint Mediation Session(s): A mediation date (joint mediation session) is then be scheduled. The number of joint mediation sessions depends on the nature of the case/issues involved, and can be conducted in person or by videoconference.
Step 4 – The Mediation Report/Elder Care Plan/Action Plan: Once the joint mediation process is completed, the parties are provided with a Mediation Report/Elder Care Plan/Action Plan outlining the terms that the parties have agreed to in mediation.
Restorative peacemaking is about bringing grace, wisdom, forgiveness, and healing to the conflicts of daily life. It encourages individuals to examine their actions, take responsibility for any harm caused, and seek fair and honourable resolutions. A restorative peacemaking approach is based on the following core principles:
1. Conflict is a reality that we all face – whether a historical grievance between siblings, a dispute between neighbours, or a lawsuit with someone outside our circle. Conflict is universal.
2. What matters is not the mere existence of conflict, but how we choose to resolve it.
3. Often within a conflict, the default response is to blame and point out the faults of the other person, while failing to acknowledge how our own actions or words have caused or contributed to a conflict. This pattern of blaming and deflecting responsibility may feel satisfying in the moment, but it rarely leads to meaningful and lasting solutions.
4. One of the most powerful ways to meaningfully address conflict is first to honestly examine our own actions, and whether we played a role in causing or contributing to the conflict.
5. If after honest and meaningful reflection, we believe we have contributed to or even caused a conflict, we should consider admitting and acknowledging our mistakes and wrongdoing to the other person, and making a sincere and comprehensive apology. It must be noted however, that a person should never be forced, manipulated or shamed into giving an apology – such apologies often do more harm than good. For an apology to be effective, it must be sincere, and borne out of true inner sorrow for hurting someone or doing wrong (not worldly sorrow for getting caught).
6. There are various frameworks for how to make a sincere and comprehensive apology. While we never want an apology to be a rigid checklist we complete out of obligation, having guidance regarding how to apologize can be helpful. The following is a helpful list of the key components of a sincere and comprehensive apology (Adapted with permission from RW Blog dated February 12, 2018, © Ken Sande, Relational Wisdom 360):
7. One of the beautiful things about rendering a sincere and comprehensive apology and taking responsibility for our actions is that it can help to promote healing within the person we have affected (and ourselves). Additionally, in situations where both parties have contributed to a conflict, a meaningful apology by one person may open the door to the other person being willing to examine their own actions and role within the conflict. As defences are laid down, both parties are able to more easily consider the other person’s perspective and interests, and engage in a constructive and thoughtful conversation. While restoration is rarely instantaneous, by being honest and humble about our own contributions to a conflict, and speaking with heartfelt sincerity, we can take the first step on this journey.
Unresolved conflict is painful. It can take a toll emotionally, physically and financially.
Restorative peacemaking is about understanding that we have all erred and have hurt people with our words, actions or omissions. The good news is that we can choose to clothe ourselves with gentleness, humility, compassion, and forgiveness, as we work through the conflicts of daily life.
For more information regarding how to retain Julie Ralhan to facilitate a restorative peacemaking process, please email julieralhan@elevatedmediation.com or call 647-819-5348.
Please note:
Similar to the elder mediation process, the steps in the restorative peacemaking process include intake and screening for power imbalances and to determine whether this model of conflict resolution is appropriate for the parties.
Elevated Mediation/Julie Ralhan focuses exclusively on providing mediation services (not legal services). If you are seeking a lawyer/need legal advice, the following resources may be of assistance: (1) Law Society Referral Service https://lsrs.lso.ca/lsrs/welcome; (2) Legal Aid Ontario https://www.legalaid.on.ca/
Julie Ralhan cares deeply about the wellbeing of families, and seeks to use her skills, diligence, and compassion to help people meaningfully resolve conflict.
Julie obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Economics from York University in 1999, a Bachelor of Laws from Osgoode Hall Law School in 2002, and was called to the Bar of Ontario in 2003. Julie then practiced family law with a focus on child-related issues for two decades in various contexts, including as legal counsel for the Children’s Aid Society of Hamilton, and subsequently as a lawyer for parents, grandparents and other family members in Children’s Aid Society cases. Julie also obtained a (part-time) Master of Laws in family law from Osgoode Hall Law School in 2009, while working full-time as legal counsel for the Hamilton Children’s Aid Society. Additionally, Julie has had the opportunity to engage in special projects and contractual arrangements during her time as a lawyer, including being outside counsel to the Motherisk Commission, which was established by the Ontario government to examine the reliability of drug testing in child protection cases; and as contract counsel for the Law Society of Ontario, where she dealt with professionalism issues pertaining to family and child protection files.
Over the years, Julie became increasingly interested in mediation and peacemaking, as well as various matters affecting older adults, including the issue of how to help families in the midst of conflict related to the care of an aging family member. Julie is accredited as a family mediator and an intergenerational (elder) mediator through the Ontario Association for Family Mediation (OAFM), and is also accredited as a Certified Elder Mediator (Advanced) through Family Mediation Canada (FMC).
Julie’s approach and philosophy as a mediator is to recognize that conflict can be profoundly painful for all involved. Individuals may be experiencing stress, grief and fear in relation to the issues with which they are being confronted. Historical family/relational dynamics and grievances may also exacerbate the conflict. Julie believes in speaking the truth with dignity, and seeks to equip and encourage individuals to find new ways to redeem and resolve conflict.
For further information regarding how to retain Julie Ralhan in relation to elder mediation or restorative peacemaking services, please call 647-819-5348 or email julieralhan@elevatedmediation.com.
120 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 202, Toronto, ON M4P 1E2
Phone: 647-819-5348 Email: julieralhan@elevatedmediation.com